Testing for Writing

We had to write what we did on the holidays and to describe what happened.

TITLE: _Laughing Samoans_

Planning

1.Getting ready(Bath)

2.Driving to kerikeri

3.having Maccas

4.driving to the kerikeri falls

5.going to laughing Samoans/coming back

Writing

Laughing Samoans (Laughing emoji)

Trees. Bushes. A river. A bunch of meat ( I mean Cows). And a run down trail going to a run down house. That was the buses queue to stop. The doors opened up and we shifted through the lane and out the bus, onto the road. We turned to the house next door and trudged up the road.It was Me, Corey, and Jada. We got changed, got the bathing equipment, got into the car, turned the ignition, changed to 1st gear and pressed the gas petal. It burst down the road, doing snakeys, twisty and turnys, up and downies, to our swimming hole.

I can’t describe the swim itself  since it would take another paragraph or two (or four of five or eight). We got into the van. There was Me, Jada, Corey, His mum and dad, and his sister in law. We drove through Kawakawa, past Morewa and into Kerikeri. We went into McDonald for dinner and to get some food for the people at home. I got A Mac Attack with a large Coke. after, maybe 20 or 30 minutes, we headed over to see if it was ready and…… it wasn’t. So we headed over to the kerikeri falls. We stood on the docks and watched this guy jump of the docks repeatedly until we got bored. When we went over a SECOND time the show was FINALLY ready to begin.

They pretended to be News Reporters, little Kids, A husband and wife, an Aunt and niece, and the 3 goats that tried to get over a bridge (the baby, the gay guy and the big brother). When it finally finished, we drove home to go to sleep, play games, eat/ drink things and do other things people do on a Friday night.

Marking

Ideas	Points	Comment
	5(Me)	meh.
Miss Baker	4	Lots of ideas and some detail and elaboration about these ideas. It is a shame you  didn’t talk about the swim as your story is missing a large chunk in the middle to tie it together.